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  • Kitty Edwards

Of choice, regrets and loving myself

Loving myself is a state of being rather than doing.

When I maintain a state of loving myself, I feel whole and complete and do not need to be validated by others. Because I don’t judge myself, I don’t judge others. It frees me to be my authentic self.

I have found there are 3 things that hamper my ability to love myself.

I have a need to be perfect. I make comparisons. Did she do it better than me? I expect a flawless performance from myself, and make comparisons instead of following my passion and doing it my own creative way.

When I remember to choose how I want to live my life, really choose, loving myself enough to free myself to be fully me, I can rediscover the state of loving myself.

How I see myself is a function of my beliefs. My beliefs tell me if I am worthy or worthless, trusting or suspicious, fairly treated or victimized. My belief system, whether conscious or unconscious, is built into my basic “software” shaping my attitudes, judgements and behaviors.

I learned most of my self-limiting beliefs as a young person. As an adult, I have to be vigilant to recognize my limiting beliefs to prevent them from hijacking my ability to think clearly and truthfully.

My beliefs influence my perception of the world.

While my beliefs help me to process the flood of information that I receive through my senses, they can also limit my joy, my confidence and how I engage with others. Checking to see if my beliefs are accurate is a powerful but challenging endeavor.

When I love myself, my compassion for others naturally increases. I listen more openly. When I love myself, I shift my perspective and can easily see the commonality rather than the differences between myself and others.

Regrets deplete my energies and lessen my ability to love myself. When I feel regret I know I have work to do to move through the emotion to find the lesson within.

I find it useful to discover where the feeling of regret lives in my body. Is it in my throat, my belly or my left shoulder. Then I work to describe its qualities. Is it sharp, dull or simply heavy? Have I felt this way before? Is there a story? What is the teaching it holds for me?

Once I have worked with my feeling of regret I use personal practices or rituals to move through the regret somatically, mythically and energetically. Once I find the pearl of wisdom residing within the regret, I may once again step into a state of loving myself, knowing that I am only human.

Love Myself & Share It is one of the 5 practices of the No Regrets Project. It takes a conscious effort to uproot the unconscious blocks to loving ourselves but completing this journey is worth the effort.

May springtime bring you new ways to love yourself,

– Kitty

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